• Amber Boyd, LMFT

You Can Be Concerned... But You Don't Have To Be CONSUMED!

I recently received a message from a client who was frustrated and upset due to someone close to them not doing their own healing work. My response was several things but is started by reminding the client to breathe and that they can be CONCERNED but they don't have to be CONSUMED!

In previous sessions, this particular client and others have expressed that they were upset about other folx not doing their work. I respond in such a way because it is important to remember:

  1. Folx have their own agency and are accountable for themselves. If it is something that is coming up for you and impactful, it is your responsibility to yourself to acknowledge and decide how you would like to proceed.

  2. Your healing does not have to be dependent on what they do or do not do. Yes, it is challenging to grow and heal at different paces, and ultimately you will have to explore if it is something that can be addressed and handled in a manner that feels right for both parties.

It is also important to ask the following questions:

  1. What is the function of the spiral? (what is it providing for you?)

  2. What about their unwillingness to get help/change is impacting you? Why?

  3. What about this situation can you control?

  4. How does it feel to narrow down what you can control?

  5. How can you be more attuned with the things that you can control?

It is difficult to see the people that we love suffering or making decisions that are not favorable AND while that may be true, there is only so much begging, bargaining, and pleading that one can do before another person starts to make the changes for THEMSELVES. If there is too much pushing from one way or another, the likelihood that resentment will grow is high. Focusing on the things that you can control is paramount! You deserve to be in the best health and emotional space that you can be, so how can you accomplish that TODAY? Please don’t get me wrong...I am not saying that you cannot be concerned, I am asking that you not let it completely CONSUME you.

If you are asking how...well these are just some things that come to mind:

  1. Setting boundaries: if boundaries are not established, it can be difficult to navigate relationships and it can also breed resentment and placing blame.--How can you set a healthy boundary for yourself today?

  2. Continue to do your own healing work: whether it’s therapy or spiritual guidance, using tools like mindfulness and exploring previous relationships can lead to answers about patterns and cycles.--How can you break a cycle today?

  3. Exploring YOUR why: why this work? Why now? --How can you connect with your highest self at this time?

Thank you as always for taking the time to visit my blog/website! If you have any questions, feel free to reach out via email: **Also...I am accepting new clients in both California and Texas into my online Private Practice: Healing Through Authenticity. If you are interested in working with me, I would be more than willing to set up a free 15-20 minute video consultation to discuss your goals and logistics about my practice!

Warmly, Amber

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